I'm That Girl

I’m the girl who prefers one rose instead of a dozen. I’m the girl who would rather stay in on a Friday night than go to a wild party with random strangers. I’m the girl who wouldn’t make you wait on her hand and foot, but would do anything to make you happy. I’m the girl who would enjoy having a movie night rather than going out to some fancy restaurant. I’m the girl who would rather stay up all night sharing secrets with you than going out and getting drunk. I’m the girl who won’t make you hold her bags, but would rather hold your hand instead. I’m the girl who will love you more than anyone can possibly dream of. I’m the girl who would give the world to see you smile. I’m the girl who cries herself to sleep at night thinking of you, when i know I’m the last thing on your mind. Yeah, I’m that girl.

Catch Me........ If You Can

I feel like I'm falling. Falling faster and faster by the minute and there's no one around to catch me because you were the one who was supposed to catch me. You always have. But you're gone now. And little by little, I feel like I'm losing myself. Losing my identity. Losing who I am. I'm losing my patience with everyone around me. Losing my patience with every little thing. Because right now, at this very moment, I have absolutely nothing.

Because you're not here with me.

I miss you. If only I could wake up tomorrow morning, and you'd still be here. Maybe you could catch me? Save me from falling into this dark and endless pit?
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I guess not.

Because Dreams Are Meant to be Fulfilled

Admit it. We all have our dreams. May it be a dream to qualify for a certain occupation, or a dream to travel to a certain place, or a dream to make a certain discovery or whatever dream we like. We all have them. But we have to remember that God gives us opportunities to fulfill those dreams everyday. All we have to do is take it.

We don't need to make a wish on shooting stars or on 11:11, and we don't need the good luck of four leaf clovers, or the good luck of February 29, or lucky numbers, or anything of that sort. All we need to do is believe.

Dreams aren't meant to sit high up on a pedestal, way out of our reach. Dreams are supposed to be right here with us, ready to be grabbed at any time.

Follow your dreams everybody, because dreams are meant to be fulfilled.

I am Thankful For...

I am thankful for my mom, who's been with me through everything, has never failed to take care of me, and who loves me for me.

I am thankful for my dad, who never fails to make me laugh and for teaching me to always do the right thing.

I am thankful for Arik, my older brother, who even though we fight, has taught me to be strong for myself.

I am thankful for Mari, my younger brother, who loves me even if I've done him so much wrong.

I am thankful for my lola, both of them, though they may not be here anymore, they have taught me to be the best person that I can be. I know they are watching over me.

I am thankful for my Lolo Papa, who stayed so strong and optimistic for all of us.
I am thankful for my Lolo Daddy, though I do not remember much about him, I do remember the fun times that we had in T.G.I. Fridays.

I am thankful for my friends, who are way too many to mention here, for never failing to put a smile on my face and for doing their best to accept me for who I really am.

I am thankful for my school, for providing me with the knowledge that will help me succeed in life.

I am thankful for my teachers, for teaching me that not everything in life can be learned in bullet point format.

I am thankful for you, the people who read my blog, for encouraging me to keep up with my writing even when I didn't believe in myself.

I am thankful to God, for never failing to waking me up everyday and for giving me the chance to meet these people who have touched my heart in different ways.

Loving Yourself

A few days ago, I was watching a replay of Glee with my brother. The episode that we were watching was when they were preparing for Nationals. There was this part where Coach Bieste was having an argument with her abusive husband, Cooter. She told Cooter that she wanted to leave him. Cooter then got up and started yelling at her. And he asked her, "Who's gonna love you like I do?" Then Coach Bieste answers, "Me."

I think that was the best statement of the season.

We can't truly love anyone else if we don't love ourselves first. I'm not the type of person to go on and on about wanting someone to love me. About wanting to find that special someone. That soulmate. Honestly, I'm more concerned about how I will accept that I'm not perfect. I'm a perfectionist. I want everything to be perfect. I can list down all my flaws and insecurities and try to change that, and I still won't be happy. But recently, I've come to accept that no one can be perfect. The important thing is that we love ourselves despite that.

Nobody can truly love us if we do not love ourselves first. We don't need a husband, or a wife, or any life partner to love us. The only thing we need is for us to love ourselves.

And we need to love ourselves despite our imperfections. 

Taking Chances

My favorite quote of all time:

Never be afraid to take chances. You'll never know, it may be your last.

Forever Young

Do you remember wanting to run through the plains of Africa with Simba? Swing through the jungle with Tarzan? Go to the enchanted castle with Belle? Go to the ball with Cinderella? Ride a magic carpet with Alladin? Save China with Mulan? Shrink to toy size to play with Buzz and Woody? Turn into mer-people and go under the sea with Ariel? I do. I remember wanting to do all of that. And sometimes, I still wish I could.

In a few weeks I will be entering my junior year in high school and to be honest, it absolutely scares me. Here in the Philippines, your third year in high school is the most important and the most diffuclt year. It's the year that most colleges nationwide will look at. Your grades in this year will make or break your college career. It will determine whether or not you will get into your desired college with your desired course. Basically, this year, you have to be at your best.

To be honest, I don't think I'm ready to grow up. People say that I act older than my age. That I'm very responsible for someone my age. But I don't think I'm ready to accept the fact that this is my reality. That sooner or later, I'm going to have to grow up and live my life on my own.

I wanna be forever young.

Because I Miss You.

I turned 15 today. I always thought that you'd be here for my 15th. You even told me that we'd travel to Europe for my 18th. And it pains me to think that you won't see me graduate hight school. Or (hopefully) get into Ateneo. Or be with me to travel the world like we always said we would. You won't get to see Mari and Arik graduate from grade school and college as well.

I miss you. I miss the sound of your voice. I miss the way your eyes would light up when you'd see me. I misss those times when you'd laughingly tell me to eat more. I miss your annual "Happy Birthday" texts even if you were already living with us.

I still feel your presence sometimes. I feel you tucking me into bed at night. I felt you holding my hand yesterday when I was having my ear checked. I heard your voice in my head last Thursday telling me to take care of Mari. I felt your presence watching over Mari when he was having his cast put on. I heard your voice last night urging me to sleep when I was reading. I heard your voice in my head telling me what to choose when I went shopping today. In everything that I bought today, I imagined what your reaction would be once you'd see it.

I know you're watching over me, Lola. I know you're keeping me safe. You kept Mari safe by not making his fracture worse than it could've been. You're keeping Arik safe while he's in Baguio. I know that you're taking care of us.

I'm still sad that you're gone, Lola. But I know you'll always be here for me. I love you. I miss you so much. I'm always thinking of you. One day, we'll see each other again. ♥

Happy Endings

Let me start off by saying that I am a teenage girl. I'm turning 15 in a few days. But I am one of those girls who'd rather stay in bed, reading her favorite book, than going out with my friends or partying or whatever. Honestly, there are times when I'd rather live like the character in the books than in my life right now.

Do you want to know why? It's because in a lot of books, or at least in the books that I read, there is always a happy ending. Always. And to be honest, there are times that when I'm reading a book, I get depressed because I wonder, will I ever have a happy ending like Katniss did in The Hunger Games? Or like Percy Jackson did in the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series? Or will I ever find my Personal Legend like Santiago in The Alchemist?

But reading books also taught me that to fulfill my dream, to find happiness, I have to act. Katniss wasn't able to survive and fight in The Hunger Games if she didn't stay true to who she was. Percy Jackson wasn't able to defeat Kronos if he didn't fight for what he thought was right. And Santiago wasn't able to find his Personal Legend if he didn't travel to where he wanted to go and listened to the omens.

All I'm saying is that maybe we can all have our happy endings one day. We'll have to go through hardships and pain, that's for sure, but I think, one way or another, we all DESERVE to be happy. And we all CAN be happy.

They say that your destiny is already written for you, but sometimes you have to just grab a pen and be your own author.

For My Grandmother

To get up in the morning only to know you have to face another obstacle, takes strength. To smile when the only thing you can do is cry, takes bravery. To act happy and laugh when you know that times are at their worst, takes courage. To be joyous when the only good news is the best of bad news, takes support. To be there and help others, throughout the rough times in life, takes love. You, my grandmother, had every single one of those traits and you never failed to show them to me in all the days of my life. And I thank you for that.

Every once in a while, the fact that you're actually gone hits me. And it hits me hard. There are some days when I just lie awake thinking and staring at my ceiling, and I start to remember all the memories and all those times that you were there for me, those moments when you believed in me when no one else did and because of what you've done for me, I'm where I am today. I'm who I am because of everything you've taught me. You've always told me to keep my head up and to keep trying, you told me that one day I would achieve whatever dream I have, even if I, myself, felt like giving up.

You fought for your life and during those times I wish I was the one suffering instead of you because it hurt me so much to see you in pain. I prayed everyday hoping you would make it, hoping you would get through this, and the day you passed away hurt me so much because you made such a big impact on my life. When you left, you took a huge part of me away, and I don't think I'll ever be the same again.

But I'm going to make it one day for you, I promise. I miss you. Don't worry, I'll make you proud.

To My Mother, My Grandmother, and All Those Mothers Out There

"All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother." - Abraham Lincoln

Happy Mothers day to all the mothers out there!

I'm sure everyone would agree with me that a mother's love for her child would possibly be the best kind of love out there. A mother loves us even when we are unlovable. She loves us even if we do not make her proud. She loves us even if we have nothing to offer her. She loves us even if we hurt her. She loves us for who we are. A mother loves us unconditionally.

To my mom, thank you for loving me even if I've put you through so much. Thank you for loving me despite the fact that I hurt you at times. Thank you for accepting me for who I am. I love you, Mommy.

To my late grandmother, thank you for loving me even if I'm not the granddaughter that you want me to be. Don't worry, I'll do my best to make you proud. I miss you. I'll always be thinking of you.

When all else fails and you have no one else to turn to, go to your mother. You'll always be welcome.

When Will It End?

The past week has been one of the longest weeks I've ever had. It made me wonder, is this how it feels like when you lose someone you love? As if time was suddenly on slow motion? Well, that's how I feel now.

I wonder when all this will end... I've been crying myself to sleep for the past five days. And it hurts me to think that my grandmother's gone. She was one of the few people who understood me, who loved me despite my imperfections. She made me be the person who I am today.

To be honest, I still can't accept the fact that she's gone.

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Not all things are meant to last forever.

We shouldn't take anything for granted. Because nothing lasts forever. Sooner or later, we may lose the things that are most important to us. We'll never know when everything might end. It can come unexpectedly. In the blink of an eye. We'll never know.

Never Judge a Book By It's Cover

For all those people who have judged me and put me down in the past.

We are humans. We all have our flaws, our imperfections. We've all looked at ourselves in the mirror asking our reflection, "Why can't I be perfect?" or "Why do I have to look like this?" But I think we're all beautiful in our own little way. All our flaws and imperfections make us who we are and I don't think anyone has the right to judge someone by the way they look.

You'll never know a person's true story if you haven't experienced what their life is like. And even then, your feelings and their feelings wouldn't be the same.

"Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect - and I don't live to be. But before you point your fingers, make sure your hands are clean."  - Bob Marley

And for me, the best revenge to someone who has judged you, put you down your entire life and repeatedly told you that you can't do it; is to stand up, look them in the eye, and say, "Watch me."