A Letter to My 30-year Old Self

*wrote this at around 2 in the morning because I couldn't sleep*

Hi. This is kind of weird, talking to an older version of myself, but here goes.

Do you remember the time when we were in first grade and they had this big ramp in school, and it was really popular for us first graders to run down the ramp with our trolley bags in the fastest possible way? Do you remember that day when I was running down the ramp and I suddenly toppled over and fell head first on the ground?

I do. All these years, I've always thought about that moment and why I still chose to continue on with that tradition, even after my accident. I guess it's because I loved the sensation that I'd experience while running down the ramp. The wind in your hair, that big goofy smile on your face, the adrenaline that you'd get. In short, the little naive 6-year old girl that I was, wanted to know how it felt like to fly. I hope you still think about that day.

It's been 15 years... I hope you're still not the same gullible, insecure, worrywart girl that I am right now. I hope you've changed.

Do you still write? How are mom and dad? What places have you been to? Did you get where you wanted to go? I have so much to ask you about your life but I guess I'll just have to wait.

But I do have to ask you one thing... Are you happy? I really hope you are. I really hope you won't need an Emmett Brown to invent a time machine for you just so you can undo all the mistakes that you/I made in the past. I hope you don't have any regrets. :)

One day, I'm going to be 30 just like you. But I hope that even then, I'll still have that same little naive 6-year old girl inside of me, with her hair flying wildly around her face and this big goofy smile. But this time, I won't just be on the ground, ready to fly at any moment. This time, I'll be up in the air, soaring like an eagle, playing in the clouds.