How to be Alone by Tanya Davis

My mom showed me this video awhile ago. Such a beautiful poem!

"It's okay if no one believes like you."

*I do not own the poem or the video*

Liebster Blog Award

I've just been nominated for the Liebster Blog Award by Rosa Murray , The Moongazer , Divya Bisht, and Erika Anderson! Thank you so much! It means a lot to me that you guys like my blog. :)

A background on the Liebster Blog Award

The Liebster Blog Award is given to upcoming bloggers who have 200 followers or less.The word Liebster is German and means sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, and welcome.

Here's the Rules:

1. Each person must post 11 random facts about themselves
2. Answer 11 questions the tagger has given you and give 11 questions for the people you tagged
3. Choose 11 people and link them in your post
4. Tell them you've tagged them
5. Remember, no tag backs

11 Facts About Me
1. I love everything and anything that has to do with numbers. (math nerd)
2. I want to have a dog, but in truth, I am totally afraid of them.
3. I'm very sentimental with my things. I hate throwing or giving away some of my things because of all the memories that are attached to them.
4. Chocolate is my favorite comfort food.
5. I love shopping.
6. I can spend almost the entire day reading.
7. My mom always tells me to stop studying because she thinks that I study too much.
8. My favorite color's purple.
9. I LOVE burgers.
10. If I'm not doing anything during the day, I either eat or sleep.
11. I love taking pictures of people and things.

11 Questions from Rosa Murray
1. What is your favorite book?
          I love reading, so usually my current favorite book would be the last book that I read.  But I have to say that my  all time favorite would be The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen.

2. Reader Writer or both?

          Both. Reading and writing are what make me happy. :)

3. How often do you read?

           As much as possible, everyday.

4. Which season is your favourite?

           In my country, we only have two seasons, summer and the rainy season. I love the rainy season the most because there's just something about the rain that I love.

5. Paranormal or Cotemporary?

           Contemporary.

6. Which Author would you like to spend a with?

            Lauren Oliver.

7. If you were stuck on an island with which character would you like to be stuck?

             Colin Singleton from The Abundance of Katherines by John Green. We could talk about math and theorems all day!

8. Bad Boys or Good Guys?

              Good guys.

9. Favourite quote?

             “There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you'd better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you'll never understand what it's saying.” - Sarah Dessen ♥

10. What will you read next?

               The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson.
11.  Are you addicted to blogging?
                Haha I guess so. =))

11 Questions from The Moongazer
1. What is your greatest fear?
               That one day I will grow old and forget all the memories that I made and all the things that happened to me.
2. If you were to make something out of play-dough right now, what would it be?
               A house.
3. Do you like bumblebees?
              Not really. I'm kind of scared of them.
4. Where do squirrels go during hurricanes?
              They hide in the trees or in caves?
5. What is your favourite colour?
               Purple. :D
6. Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?
              I did. Haha kidding. I love cookies!
7. What season describes you best?
             The rainy season. I can get very moody at times.
8. What was the last beverage you drank?
            Water.
9. What if tomorrow never comes?
            Then we have to make the most of today.
10. Favourite movie of yours?
            A Walk to Remember or Annie.
11. Where are you?
           In my parent's room.

11 Questions from Divya Bisht
1. Which is your favourite hang out place?

           There's this calachuchi walk in our school where me and my friends always hang out.
2. Who is your favourite author?

           Sarah Dessen
3. Who is you idol in life?

           Mother Mary.
4. When is your birthday?

           May 22. :)
5. What comes to your mind when you hear the word "books"?

           Reading. Something that I love doing.

6. Do you have a Goodreads account? If yes, what is the thing you like about this site the most?

            Yes. That we get to keep track of all our books and the books that we read. It also helps us connect with fellow bookworms out there.

7. Which is the favourite social networking site according to you?
            Twitter.

8. Tea or coffee?

            Coffee.
9. What are your educational qualifications?
             I graduated from grade school and I'm currently in third year high school.
10. Books or movies?
             Books.

11. Which is your favourite ice-cream?

           Coffe flavored ice-cream.

11 Questions from Erika Anderson

1. Do you have a favorite book character?
           Yup! Colin Singleton from The Abundance of Katherines.

2. If you could meet an author who would it be? Why?

            I answered this in one of the previous questions and I would like to meet Lauren Oliver.

3. Do you ever dream about a book?

            YES. All the time.

4. Have you ever hated a book but loved the movie?

            No. I love books more than movies.

5. Do you like listening to music while you read?

            Not really. Reading books and listening to music are like my "me" time. But for some reason, the idea of listening to music while reading doesn't really appeal to me.

6. Do you ever wish your life was like a book? If so what book?

            Yes. All books with happy endings.

7. How many books do you read per year?

             I don't count them. I reread a lot of books so if I count those books that I reread then it would be about a hundred or so.

8. Do you like going to the bookstore or the library?

             Bookstore. There's a wider array of books there.

9. What's the funniest book you've ever read?

             To be honest, I don't know...

10. Have you ever hated a book the first time you read it but then the second time you read it you loved it?

             Hmmm... Not really because if I don't like a book, then I sometimes don't bother reading it again.

11. How do you organize your bookshelf?

             By genre, then by author, then by the year of publication. :)
Blogs I'm Tagging:
  1. Poetic License
  2. Little ♥ Hyuts
  3. Love ... Life ... and Lies ...
  4. My Love Affair With ...
  5. The Light in the Attic
  6. Helping Hearts
  7. Being Yourself Leads to Infinite Greatness
  8. Could be better . Could be worse .
  9. Mommy's Musings
  10. **QWERTY**
  11. Life is Like My Dog , Unpredictable

My Questions for all of you! :)
  1. If you could get lost in any place in the world, where would it be?
  2. What is your dream destination?
  3. If you were stuck on an island and could only bring one thing, what would it be?
  4. Describe yourself in one word.
  5. Choose: clothes, books or gadgets?
  6. What book have you read and you wish that you wrote it?
  7. What's your favorite past time?
  8. If you could un-read any book that you read in the past, what would it be?
  9. How old were you when you read your first pocketbook?
  10. Would you rather stay home or go out?
  11. What's your favorite food?

To the people I've nominated, I hope you enjoy this! :)

Welcome to Judgement Year

In total, I've had only 7 school days so far. Doesn't seem like much, right? Haha was I ever wrong. In the 7 school days that we've had, we already had 2 research papers, 2 reportings, and 1 impromptu speech. Oh not to mention dozens of reading assignments as well. Not that I didn't expect this. During the assembly on the first day of school, our teachers kept on mentioning about how third year will be way harder than any other year because this is the year that all colleges will look at in determining whether we will be accepted or not. Haha pressure much?

Okay, I'm not here to rant about how busy I am. No one needs to hear that. Besides, it's third year. I kind of expected that. I guess I'm just here to say, that maybe now is the time. Maybe now is the time for me to work harder, to do my best. After all, this is the most important year of high school. I might as well make the most out of it.

So I may be complaining today. But I'm not taking any of this for granted. I'll do my best, study hard, and be the best kind of student I can be.

I hope I can do this. Welcome to judgement year, for me.

Just Don't

Just don't.

Don't tell me to hurry up when you're so slow.

Don't tell me that you hate waiting when you make me wait all the time.

Don't tell me that I'm being irresponsible when you can barely remember to do anything.

Don't tell me that I'm messy when you can't even keep your things in order.

Don't tell me that I'm being illogical when you don't know the whole story.

Don't tell me that I'm stupid when nothing that you say makes sense.

Don't tell me that I'm wrong when you don't know everything.

Don't tell me that I'm being rude when all I did was stick up for myself.

Don't tell me that I cry too much when you don't know how much I've been hurt.

Don't tell me that I'm a hypocrite when that's all you've ever been.

Don't tell me that I'm short when you know that it's nothing that I can control. You're just looking for a fight. Height doesn't define who you are.

Don't tell me that I'm fat when you don't know how insecure I really am.

Don't tell me that I'm ugly when you don't know how many nights I stay up late stressed about everything.

Don't judge me when you don't even know my story.

Choosing Our Path

Sometimes I wonder if I will be able to fulfill all my dreams in life. Will I have time to do it? Will I be capable of doing it? Will it be worth it? When the time comes, will I even want to do it? It is usually during these times when I have to take stock of my life.  I wish that I can do everything but then I realize that I have to choose what I can and cannot do. I have to choose what will be worth it and what won't.

Sometimes I choose the right one, sometimes I don't. But that's the beauty of it. We make mistakes but we learn from them. If we learn from them, then those experiences weren't a waste. In fact, they make us a better person. And that's what matters.

You are in Control

I'll be starting school in a few days and I have to say that this has been one of the most rollercoaster like summers ever. I've shed my own set of tears, laughed 'till I could barely breathe, shouted 'till my voice cracked, and so much more.

There have been so many times when I'm just sitting down and I start crying out of the blue because I made so many mistakes. I always remind myself of how foolish I am, of how people can easily hurt me with just a single word, of how absurd my decisions can be, of how little I mean to this world, of how I have so many dreams but know that I can't achieve them, and so many more things that bombard my mind and making me realize how big of a failure I really am.

But I kept on going. I realized that life goes on. Sometimes I forget how lucky I really am. How blessed I am to have received so many blessings in life. But then there are times when we just want to give up, when we feel as if we're drowning in our own misery. I've been there a lot of times. Not just during this summer, but way before that. Back when I was younger and couldn't handle any of this. But I guess now that I'm older, I finally realized everything.

This is me. This is my life. This is my world. This is my misery. I can make my sadness disappear if I want to. I am in control.

We don't need to remind ourselves of how we didn't say the right thing, of how we were too late, of how we made the wrong move and so much more. We don't need to remind ourselves of our mistakes in the past because that's just it. It's the past. It's done. You can't erase it. It's going to be with us for the rest of our lives. But the past isn't there to haunt us of our mistakes in the future. The past is there to help us learn from our mistakes so we can have a better future.

After so many years, this summer of 2012, made me finally realize something that was just staring me in the face: we are in control of our life. Not our past, not society, not our haters. Us. We have the control. We are the only ones who can change our life. No one else.

What's Wrong?

I've been having these dreams lately... These dreams where I'm running away from people chasing me. They were bad people, if not bad people, people that I met long ago but lost touch with them. What does that mean?

I dreamt of you last night. We were running away from someone. I don't remember who we were running away from, but we were with Lolo. We were climbing this long stairwell which we didn't know where it would lead to. It was weird because every now and then, the stairs had missing steps so every few minutes, Lolo would help us both climb the stairs in the parts that were missing. Halfway through, you stopped. You told me that you couldn't do it anymore. I didn't understand what you meant but then Lolo started crying in front of me. The last thing that I remember is you crying out for me to help you.

Next thing I knew, I woke up.

What does that mean? Are you in pain? Do you need help? Is there something that you want me to do? It's the first time that I dreamt of you since my birthday and I can't help but think that something's wrong. I hope you're okay.

One Month Down, Forever to Go

May 6, 2012 - I woke up at around 6:30 in the morning. I didn't want to get up, but there was this nagging feeling in my stomach, which I purposefully ignored. Then as I was drifting off to sleep again, I heard the car horn. My eyes jolted open, and I knew...... You were gone.

June 6, 2012

It's been a month... One long month. If one month felt this long, then how am I supposed to last forever? Nothing's changed. I still cry myself to sleep every night. I still mope around all day. Will I ever get a decent sleep at night without being plagued by all my dreams? Will things ever be back to normal? Will I ever be happy again?

I told myself that I'm going to let go. I told myself that this is what you want for me. So I tried. I tried to let go, and for a moment there, I did. But that's not the point. Letting go is easy, I realized that. But it's the moving on that's painful. And I don't think I'll be able to move on. Not today, not tomorrow, not next week or next month. Will I ever move on? Or will I be like this for the rest of my life?

Nothing's the same anymore. Lolo's not the same happy and cheerful person that he was before. I see him all the time, with his swollen eyes. I can see all the pain that he's going through. He misses you. I miss you too. And there's nothing we can do. I'm sure you see me all the time, when Lolo goes out, I sit in your room, on your bed, and cry. I talk to you a lot, before I sleep, I cry then too. I know you don't like it when I cry, but right now, it's all I can do.

Lola, I'm going to be third year! I remember during the start of this summer, you were saying how proud you were of me that I qualified for the top 15% of MTG, and that I finished second year as an academic awardee. Remember what you said when I told you that? "Ang galing naman! Study hard ha. So that you'll be able to travel to Europe and be happy." (That's so great! Study hard, okay? So that you'll be able to travel to Europe and be happy.) Lola, I'll study hard. I promise. Even if I don't want to, if I'm asked to join MTG again, I will. Because I know it's what you want me to do.

During the last day of the wake, right after the program, someone told me, I don't remember who, but it was one of my titas and she said, "Don't cry because it's gone, smile because it happened." But I don't think I can do that, Lola. I don't think I can smile because............... because you're not here with me anymore. I know it's selfish for me to keep on wanting you to come back when I know that you're not in pain anymore, but I just can't help myself.

I miss you. It's just not the same without you. Come back, please? I don't think I can last forever.

If we could only turn back time...

 

I love you, Lola. Every day, every minute of every day, I'm thinking of you. I'll do my very best to make you proud of me.

Music Monday

It's Monday today. Exactly 10 more days until my first day of junior year. Am I excited? Yup. Nervous? You bet. Worrying out of my mind? I totally am.

So basically, to come down my nerves, all I've been doing today is listening to a few of my favorite songs on my iPod.

My Music Monday Playlist:
I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz
Moments by One Direction
A Place in this World by Taylor Swift
Payphone ft. Wiz Khalifa by Maroon 5
There is a Light that Never Goes Out by The Smiths
What are You Waiting For by Miranda Cosgrove
Out of My League by Stephen Speaks
We'll Be A Dream by We the Kings
I Want it That Way by Backstreet Boys
Absolutely (Story of a Girl) by Nine Days
King of Anything by Sara Bareilles
Fix You by Coldplay
Breakeven by The Script
Anyway by Martina McBride
Say It Again by Marie Digby

*I do not own any of these songs or videos*

The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen

I was thinking about this book last night, or rather this morning (because it was 1 am and I was trying to sleep), and until the last moment that I was awake, this book was all that I was thinking about. This isn't a book review, but I'm more of just saying why I love this book so much. I just want to emphasize the message of this book. I read this book when I was 12, the second book that I read of Sarah Dessen, but I have to say that this was and still is my absolute favorite book of all time.

“We'd start slow, the way we always did, because the run, and the game, could go on for awhile. Maybe even forever. That was the thing. You just never knew. Forever was so many different things. It was always changing, it was what everything was really all about. It was twenty minutes, or a hundred years, or just this instant, or any instant I wished would last and last. But there was only one truth about forever that really mattered, and that was this: it was happening. Right then, as I ran with Wes into that bright sun, and every moment afterwards. Look, there. Now. Now. Now.”  

It's a perfect book to describe what's going on in every teenager's mind when he or she is trying to discover themselves in a world where they are looked down on and taken for granted.

I think Sarah Dessen really hit it hard when she said that forever is happening right now. And I agree with her; forever is this very moment that we're in. We can't take it back, so we have to make it count.

To You

Sometimes all it takes is one person to brighten up your day. To that person (I know you can see this because you said that you check my blog everyday), you know who you are, thank you. Thank you for listening to everything that I have to say even if what I'm saying has no coherent meaning to it anymore. Thank you for being patient with me when all I did was whine and weep. Thank you for making me laugh even through my tears.

"You don't always have to be so strong." - Thank you for telling me this when I was at my weakest.

Thank you for being there. Especially now, when I needed it the most.

A Letter to My 30-year Old Self

*wrote this at around 2 in the morning because I couldn't sleep*

Hi. This is kind of weird, talking to an older version of myself, but here goes.

Do you remember the time when we were in first grade and they had this big ramp in school, and it was really popular for us first graders to run down the ramp with our trolley bags in the fastest possible way? Do you remember that day when I was running down the ramp and I suddenly toppled over and fell head first on the ground?

I do. All these years, I've always thought about that moment and why I still chose to continue on with that tradition, even after my accident. I guess it's because I loved the sensation that I'd experience while running down the ramp. The wind in your hair, that big goofy smile on your face, the adrenaline that you'd get. In short, the little naive 6-year old girl that I was, wanted to know how it felt like to fly. I hope you still think about that day.

It's been 15 years... I hope you're still not the same gullible, insecure, worrywart girl that I am right now. I hope you've changed.

Do you still write? How are mom and dad? What places have you been to? Did you get where you wanted to go? I have so much to ask you about your life but I guess I'll just have to wait.

But I do have to ask you one thing... Are you happy? I really hope you are. I really hope you won't need an Emmett Brown to invent a time machine for you just so you can undo all the mistakes that you/I made in the past. I hope you don't have any regrets. :)

One day, I'm going to be 30 just like you. But I hope that even then, I'll still have that same little naive 6-year old girl inside of me, with her hair flying wildly around her face and this big goofy smile. But this time, I won't just be on the ground, ready to fly at any moment. This time, I'll be up in the air, soaring like an eagle, playing in the clouds.

Happiness Comes from Within, Not from Men

I watched Tangled last night and I have to say that Rapunzel is one of my favorite princesses. Well, next to Mulan, of course. I loved the movie Tangled not just because I've spent almost my entire childhood years fantasizing over princesses, but I loved the fact that Rapunzel was the type of person who didn't really rely on her "Prince Charming" to find her happy ending.

Yes, she called on the help of Flynn Rider or his alter-ego, Eugene Fitzherbert. Yes, she couldn't have achieved her dream without him. But compared to other Disney princesses, whose "happily ever after" was to live in a big castle, married to their "Prince Charming," Rapunzel's dream wasn't even close to their dreams. Rapunzel wanted to go see the lights that she always saw floating outside her window on her birthday. She was curious and intrigued by what she saw every year, and that was what led to her dream. Not some prince who lived in a big castle.

That's the reason why I love Rapunzel, Mulan and Tiana (from The Princess and the Frog) so much. They're all Disney princesses who didn't need a Prince Charming to have a "happily ever after." They didn't succumb to the conclusion that you need a prince to be happy.  And I think they are the true types of princesses that every girl should aspire to be. I think that little girls should aspire to become princesses who have dreams of changing the world.

Rapunzel: "I've been looking out of a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it's not everything I dreamed it would be?"

Flynn Rider: "It will be."

Rapunzel: "And what if it is? What do I do then?"

Flynn Rider: "Well that's the good part, I guess. You get to go find a new dream."

It's Only a Day Away

Ever since I was younger, my absoulte favorite movie was, and still is, Annie. I watched the 1999 version first, but the 1982 version is my favorite. I used to watch both versions all the time and they never fail to bring me to tears. It's the musical of an orphan who was left at the Municipal Girls Orphanage by her parents when she was just a baby. She experienced a lot of hardships in that orphanage because of Miss Hannigan then she was taken in for a week at a billionaire's, Oliver Warbucks, home and from there her life changed. I'm not going to really emphasize much on the story except that the songs were my absolute favorite. I loved Maybe and It's the Hard-Knock Life. But my absolute favorite of all was definitely Tomorrow.

I remember the first few times that I watched it. I'd sing Tomorrow whenever I'd get the chance. I once imagined how I would be like if I were in Annie's situation. Would I just sit there and mope around all day, following all of Miss Hannigan's orders and saying that infamous line of "I love you, Miss Hannigan!" (sarcasm included) ? Or would I be like Annie, and try my best to get out of that horrible place? To be honest, being the stickler to the rules that I am, I might just do the first...

"So maybe now this prayer's the last one of it's kind. Won't you please get your baby." - Maybe

Now that I'm older, I finally realized why I absolutely love this musical. It wasn't just the catchy songs or the dancing, but it was that Annie taught me something that I think every little girl should learn. Annie taught me to hope. She taught me to be optimistic. She was in the worst possible situation ever and she still found a way to get out of it. She still believed that one day, her parents will come back for her.

"The sun'll come out, tomorrow. So ya gotta hang on 'til tomorrow. Come what may. Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya tomorrow! You're always a day away." - Tomorrow

She believed in tomorrow.

Insomnia

I'm trying my best to move on, to let go like I said I would....

I don't think I can. I never was an insomniac but lately I've been acting like one. I've had endless sleepless nights wherein I sleep late, wake up early... I'm still as big as a mess that I've ever been. I'm trying my best to stay strong. To stay strong in front of my little brother, who hates it when I cry, and in front of my mom, who might start crying if I start crying. But I can't do it anymore. I'm sick and tired of being strong. I don't think I can take it anymore. Sooner or later, I know I'll end up breaking down... And I don't want it to happen like the first one did.....

I've spent a lot of time thinking the past few nights, ever since my birthday. I feel like you're trying to tell me something... Is this just wishful thinking? Or is there something you really want to tell me?

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I really hope it's the latter one.